dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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