so that wasnt chicken after all
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize