i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
