she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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