I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
