Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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