I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
