I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
