Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
