She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
