It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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