That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
