dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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