Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
