Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
