tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
