We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale