I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.