I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
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if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
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You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me