Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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