our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
