I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't turn off my feet"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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