ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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