You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
