He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
