party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
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I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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