The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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