Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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