my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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