He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
