People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
