So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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