You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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