You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
COCAINE IS GR8
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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