this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
