If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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