Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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