if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
