We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
