I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
