I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
