so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
