"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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