Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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