honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
