Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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