Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
