I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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