Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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