Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
