you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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