My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
