I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
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I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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