$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
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