I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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