So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
