I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
