It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
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THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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