pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
