i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
