dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
