great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
