She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
