i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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