Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
