here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
