Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
