There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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