8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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