grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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