Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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